Plain Text » Vacuous verbs

The Downing Street verb: “To Kofi”

Paul N — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:41:20 +0000

Mr Blair certainly didn’t use it when presenting evidence to the Iraq Inquiry, but did the verb “To Kofi” pass his lips during Downing Street debates in the run up to the 2003 invasion?

According to reports following Mr Blair’s evidence, “To Kofi” means “to encourage the [then] United Nations General Secretary Kofi Annan with easy promises.” Simple.

Whilst its origins lie with the Ghanaian-born diplomat, its application – within the coterie of Downing Street aides, is reported to be broad. Anyone who needed to be influenced was Kofied. From whole nations, the French or the Scots, for instance, to members of the government or opposition, to individuals in consistencies. Never since “You’ve been Tangoed” has a snappy verb possessed so much latent aggression. So have you been Kofied?

This surely calls for a spoof video. Anyone?

Nouns as verbs – not all bad

Paul W — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 14:26:31 +0000

Being ‘platformed‘ is indeed a terrible thing, even for an unreliable British train carriage. A while back we ranted about software being ‘architected.’ But nouns turning into verbs (verbifying, perhaps? Maybe not) is just part of linguistic development. Think ‘chair’ or ‘contact’, both of which are well established; or ‘impact’, which has attained noun status more recently and still sounds awkward to some.

The true test is whether a newly ‘verbified’ noun makes a contribution to the language; that is, improving communication in a way that’s acceptable to everyone. Assuming software architects do something different to, say, developers or designers, the perhaps that particular verbification is justified. Being ‘platformed’ or invited to ‘deplane’ don’t quite seem to pass the test at the moment.

And although ‘to impact’ is now well and truly established, especially in relation to financial performance and the like, it doesn’t pass the test either. Does it really mean anything more than ‘affect’? Perhaps it’s popular because we just like a little more drama in our language.

To alight – right verb, ugly use

Paul N — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 19:01:42 +0000

Yup, no doubt about it, you do “descend from a vehicle” when you alight the train. But have you ever heard anyone, other than an employee of a train company, use this verb? Most of us “get off” trains.” Tell someone you’re alighting at the next station for a puzzled look behind a face that longs to ask “Do you really talk like that?”

It reminds me of directions printed in the Bradford South billiards’handbook in the mid-1970s. “Alight Busby’s” advised the booklet. The famous city department store, by this time closed, burnt down shortly after publication

To be platformed – train grammar horror

Paul N — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:31:57 +0000

It is probably endemic amongst train managers – conductors as they used to be. They may be even instructed to say it by their own bosses – a train manager manager, no doubt. But surely First Great Western can find something better to replace their wicked new verb (that’s wicked in the old sense of “bad”) “to be platformed.”

Passengers travelling between Devon and London Paddington this week were advised to more up from coach A ”in order to alight at Pewsey as that coach won’t be platformed here.”